


Serenity (you are my home)

by clarktaviakru



Category: The 100
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cuddles you already know, F/M, No Smut, The 100 - Freeform, hand holding, octavia has to be taught how to use things that most people already know how to do, some bellarke and some becho?? Not really canon for either one just small snippets, some past trauma makes appearances at certain points
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24301417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clarktaviakru/pseuds/clarktaviakru
Summary: After getting Octavia back, Gabriel, Emori, Raven, Clarke, Bellamy, and the rest of the 100 begin to heal in their own special way(Kinda Gabtavia centric but involves everyone)
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Echo, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), John Murphy/Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake/Gabriel Santiago | Xavier
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	1. Healing

Octavia remembers the moment like it wasn't four months ago, his soft hands gently running over the symbols written accross her back, begging herself not to shiver while every nerve in her body willed herself to run out of his hands, to slap them off of her own, tell herself she wasn't allowed to feel what she was beginning to feel, that it was wrong. 

She could laugh at herself now, about how scared she was of her own feelings. 

Now she yearned for the closeness whether it be his hands lightly clasping over her shaky ones when she was nervous, his arm lazily thrown over her shoulder, and even just being around him, seeing his face, his smile, hearing him talk. It was the way he lit up a room, the positive enrgy he created in the atmosphere. And maybe it could've also been the blindness of her love, though she'd never admit it. She found him taking up most of her thoughts, she knew it was childish but she didn't care. She hadn't cared for anyone in that way for so long, not since- Lincoln.

This was all she thought about as she forced herself to get up and get dressed into the foreign clothes provided by one of the guards. She couldn't remember her name, she was dressed in all black like the rest of them and had blonde hair tied into a tight knot at the top of her head. What she does remember, was her kind smile as she calmly let Octavia pick her own clothes out, understanding that there was no need to rush and no need for hostility. She was kind as she let Octavia pick between a variety of clothes, all seemingly expensive in the eyes of octavia, she decided on the most basic of the variety in front of her, black jeans and a light purple hoodie that fell just above her knee. She kept her own boots on. 

She sat in the mirror for a second, trying to get used to the look. She couldn't bear herself to do anything with her hair besides brush it with the soft bristled brush laying on the sink for her. She'd never seen anything like it before, then again she'd never seen much of anything at all.

She gave herself a few seconds, pulling her thoughts together. She didn't want to think about how this was going to go, Gabriel had already left, giving her some time to herself so she could get ready. 

The truth is, she would rather just be laying in the bed, in the soft silk pajamas they had given her with Gabriel. She could ask him to teach her how to use whatever the hell a television was, or they could simply just lay there, his hand playing with her hair as she curled into his side.

She even thought about not going, she could sit in the chair reading a book about Prometheus for an hour or so until Gabriel came back, asking her why she never showed up. She then could explain that she was too overcome with anxiety and decided not to come, and he would understand because it was Gabriel and that's what he did. 

But she knew better, she had to go. She couldn't just hide from all the people she had hurt, even the ones she had saved scared her, they all had known what she did, some more than others.

She threaded her fingers through her newly brushed hair, letting out a sigh before walking out the door, it took her multiple tries to get the lock open, she wasn't familiar with the technology in sanctum, she wasn't really familiar with technology at all.

As she walked down the long hallways, she focused on her boots, the leather creasing every time her foot hit the ground, and her hands pushing against the bottom of her pockets. 

She occasionally got a few hellos from the friendly people of sanctum, she put on a smile and gave them a wave before continuing on.

When she got to the door to the dining room, she froze. She knew she was late, and that as soon as they heard that door open their eyes would be on her. She wanted to turn back, her stomach lurching.

She sucked in a shaky breath, pushing the doors open with both hands. And she was right, suddenly all of their eyes were on her. Her eyes searched for Gabriel, her brother, somebody. 

She spotted Gabriel, in the middle. As soon as their eyes met they had a silent conversation, basically telling her to sit in the empty chair next to him. Across from him were Clarke, Bellamy, Murphy, and Emori. Diyoza sat in the very back with hope, talking to a few of the criminals, one she recognized as Nikki. 

She silently nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat as she willed herself to keep walking. She couldn't leave now, and in this very moment she wished she would’ve just stayed in her room, she wouldn’t be feeling the urge to throw up the lunch she never even ate. 

As soon as she sat down, everyone got back to talking. Octavias hands twisted around themselves, trying to give her something to focus on other than all the chatter going on. 

Gabriel turned his head slightly, facing Octavia. Her eyes scanned his face, silently begging him to say something to take her mind off her anxiety.

"I thought you weren't gonna show up, I would've understood if you didn't, O." He whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. 

"Honestly, I thought about it." She choked out, trying to laugh. He gave her a look, a certain sense of understanding behind them. His hand quickly searched for hers, holding it under the table. 

That was something Octavia would have to get used to, not that it was a bad thing, she just hadn't been loved like this in so long, she'd forgotten what it felt like.

After a few minutes, Bellamy overheard Gabriel and Octavia’s muffled laughter, he turned to see each of them had a hand over a wide grin. 

“What’s so funny?” Bellamy asked, leaning forward in amusement. 

"uh, your sister doesn't know how to use silverware." Gabriel laughed out, looking at octavia, whos grin grew wider. 

"Wait seriously, O?" Bellamy asked. 

"Its not my fault!" Octavia giggled. "Who was gonna teach me? The grounders?" She joked. 

Gabriel then showed her how, while she giggled and tried not to drop the fork. The rest of the table smiled in amusement at the two, even though no one knew about them, some still had their suspicions. Emori particularly didn't miss the shine in Octavias eyes as Gabriel guided her hands to her plate, her face flushing immensely.

After an hour or so of avoiding every single piece of meat on her plate, Octavia decided to leave early so no one saw her and Gabriel walk to the room together, but as soon as she got to her room she was surprised to find that she actually missed the dining room, and her..she thought about it,friends? 

'Friends.' she decided to no one but herself as she smiled at the thought.


	2. Comfortable silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel and Octavia lay in their room in sanctum and discuss stuff like their favorite planets. 
> 
> (This chapter is kinda small, but the next one is probably gonna be pretty long)

They laid there in silence, Gabriel absentmindedly tracing his fingers over the tattoos spread across Octavia’s back, occasionally laughing when she would shiver. 

Octavia had almost fallen asleep, the warmth of the bed and the familiar feeling of Gabriel’s hands comforting her, when he piped up. 

“What was your favorite planet?” He asked curiously. 

She furrowed her brows, knowing he couldn’t see it but he would hear it in her voice. 

“Like all of the ones we had to go to or just out of every planet in the universe?” She asked, a slight chuckle in her words. 

“Any.” He answered, slowly letting his hands trace up the tattoos on her arm, he never asked her what those meant, but he assumed they had an important or sentimental value to them. 

“Mine was Nakara,” his smile was barely visible in the dark, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. 

Octavia turned slightly, facing him. 

“Oh you mean the one we almost froze to death on?” She smiled jokingly, Gabriel couldn’t get over how beautiful she was, the lights of sanctum shining on her face. 

“Besides that, it was amazing. The animals who weren’t even afraid of us having never been hunted, the snow just covering every single thing.” He smiled at the memory. 

“What was yours?” He asked, propping his head up on his hand. 

“Hmm,” she thought about it for a second, her mind immediately going to one planet, the one she had dreamed of as a child, the one that made her who she was. 

“Mine was earth.” She smiled. “It was lush, green, the people everywhere, the life. Well- before we destroyed it.” Her smile faltered slightly. 

Gabriel gave an apologetic smile, reaching up to cup her cheek on one side. 

They had a few more conversations involving their favorite things about earth, Octavia’s was mostly the animals and the grounders. She expressed her love for butterflies when she was seventeen, how she had chased them around in the forest on more than one occasions. Gabriel’s smile grew into a grin as she spoke about the time a little grounder named artigus had followed her around the forest one time, asking her questions about skaikru and asking her to teach him how to use a sword for a bow and arrow lesson in return, she taught him how to hold the sword before teaching him some techniques and learning the opponents weaknesses, he grew up to be a skilled warrior in wonkru. He died in the gorge but she left that part out of the story, not wanting to change the mood of the conversation. 

Then rest of the night was silent, no giggles as Octavia let her ticklishness cause shivers, no more small conversations, just comfortable quiet. 

Octavia’s head laid on his chest as they both drifted to sleep.


	3. Tomorrow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia apologizes to the people she's hurt, yeah its kinda cute :))

Octavia had woken up to an empty bed, assuming Gabriel had left early to work at the bar. 

Despite not having bills to pay and the jobs didn't pay, any excuse to hang out with Murphy and Bellamy.

Murphy was an asshole, even Gabriel knew that, but he was a funny one. Especially while drunk.

Octavia wiped her eyes free from sleep as she sat up, the excruciatingly bright lights blinding her from the window. 

She debated going back to sleep, forgetting it all and ignoring what she had been planning to do this whole time. 

But of course, its never really that easy. 

She groaned and walked to the bathroom, it had taken her three and a half hours to figure out the shower the first night on sanctum, despite Gabriels instructions. 

He didn't complain thought, he understood that it would take awhile for someone who grew up under the floor, with barely enough water to keep a person alive, to accommodate to all the technology in sanctum.

She still thought the TV was like some sort of contraption she would never understand, no matter how long she stayed in sanctum. 

Yes, there were televisions on the ark, but Bellamy and her mother never had the money to buy one. Hell, they hardly had enough money to stay alive. 

After her shower Octavia threw on a pair of black leggings and a plain t-shirt.

Sure, the people of sanctum dressed like royalty, pretty dresses and suits with ties. But that wasn't, and would never be, Octavia style. 

She brushed her hair behind her head before taking a few seconds to attempt to slow down her racing heart, unsuccessfully but she didn't mind stalling a little longer.

Finally she sighed, accepting the fact that she would have to do this sooner or later. 

When she arrived to the door, her heart skipped, well, more than a beat. 

Her hand shook as she reached up to open the door. 

Her head peered in from the side, looking around to see if Echo was in there when she noticed a pair of eyes on her from the bar. 

Gabriel was giving her his 'curious' smile, his head tilting slightly. 

She gave him a soft smile before speaking, in the loudest voice she could muster. 

"Uhm, Echo, could I talk to you for a minute?" She asked, waiting for a rejection. 

She pretended not to notice a group of wonkru warriors laughing at her in the back, disgust written all over their smug faces.

Echo gave her a confused look, eyebrows furrowing as she got up. 

"Sure." She shrugged, following her out the door. 

They stood there for a good minute, Octavia taking a second to choose her words carefully. 

Although she had been going over what to say in her mind millions of times over the past two weeks, that had all gone out the window the second she stepped foot out of her room. 

"I just- I'm sorry." she sputtered out, a sincere tone behind the words.

"Sorry? Sorry for what? You didn't stab me and throw me over a cliff." Echo questioned, genuinely confused by the apology. 

"Yeah I know, its just, I was so hurt when Indra and Bellamy wouldn't forgive me, I kept going over it again and again in my mind. And then I realized that I had done the same thing to you. Denying you redemption, not forgiving you when the chance was smacking me right in between my eyes. And for that, I really am sorry." Her words came out unevenly, some parts too fast and some parts where she couldn't even get her words out properly while they stumbled over each other and made a fool of her. 

"Hey, I forgave you for that a long time ago, okay?" Echo smiled. 

"But don't expect an apology from Diyoza, she isn't as willing as I am to forgive you." Octavia chuckled. 

Echo smiled as she walked back in, leaving octavia behind to calm herself. 

She sat on the bench outside of the doors for awhile, burying her face in her hands and bracing herself for her next conversation. 

She opened the doors once more. 

"Clarke, can I steal you too?" She forced a smile out as Clarke got up and walked out with her. 

Their eyes met quickly, so much history between the two that drew them together like magnets. "I remember the day that bomb had dropped on Tondc. I was quick to attack you, but I wasn't quick to stop and ask why, why you let it happen. But now I know. You did it for Bellamy, you did it for me, you did it for all of us, and taking in all that responsibility, hell it took guts." 

"Hey, you're the one who led 13 clans of grounders for six years on your own. I just did what you would've done." She smiled. 

"I remember I once told you that your best wasnt good enough, but I know that isn't true now. I know what its like to be judged for decisions that had to be made, to destroy yourself for the sake of saving your people. And I'm sorry I let you do it alone." Emotion began to rise in her voice with every word. 

Clare didn't say anything, she didn't have to, she just leaned in to hug her.

Octavia arms wrapped tightly around her, burying the tears she had welled up in her eyes down. 

"Thank you." Clarke whispered.

Octavia nodded as Clarke squeezed her hand once and stepped back inside. 

And finally, she opened the door to the worst conversation she was ever going to have in her life.

"Miller?" Her voice cracked as she let the name fall out of her mouth. 

Miller looked surprised, looking over to Jackson in question. 

Jackson gave him a supportive smile and nodded. 

He walked up to the door hastily, she had noticed the entire room go silent at the two, even wonkru. She watched Gabriel worried eyes follow her out of the room. 

"I don't know what I should say but I know I should say something." She choked out, her hands anxiously playing with each other, giving her an excuse to avoid looking up at him. 

"Its just, everything I did, in the bunker, ordering you to the gorge, turning you into something you're not. It wasn't right, and I don't think ill ever come up with an excuse to justify what I did." She built up the courage to look up at him and suddenly, everything came rushing back. The dark year, the gorge, training him to be a warrior. Her guard was down and her mask was off. She couldn't hide behind blodreina now, there was just Octavia. 

"I-," Millers words were lost, he hadn't seen that emotion in octavias eyes since she was seventeen, a little girl running around, almost clueless to the world burning around her. 

"I don't think I'm ready to be buddy-buddy just yet, but I accept your apology." 

The filter she was struggling to keep up came crashing down all at once, she couldn't hide what she felt like she used to. Right then and there, it was just them, just Octavia and Miller. One of the last delinquents from the 100, broken as they may be. Tears fell down her cheeks, rushing past her eyelids, she tried to wipe them away quickly, hoping face wouldn't be stained with emotion all day. 

She watched as he walked back in, Jackson already bursting with questions. 

She wished she could apologize to Kane, to Abby, and even to Lincloln. But she couldn't.

They were gone.

Because of her. 

She sat outside for at least 30 minutes, she still didn't know how to read a clock, while she dried her eyes and tried to stop the tears from emerging again before walking in and sitting at the bar next to Murphy. 

"Hey grounder princess." Murphy said, no hesitation despite knowing octavia could break his spine with her bare hands. 

"Better a princess than a cockroach." Bellamy joked. 

"Whats a cockroach?" Octavia asked. 

Murphy gave her a look of utmost confusion, before a wave of understanding washed over his face. 

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting you grew up under the floor." Murphy added, still not caring about the fact that octavia could murder him on the spot. 

Octavia jokingly smacked him in the stomach, he returned it, and it went on for awhile before they got bored of it and Gabriel came back with more alcohol. 

He handed Octavia a drink that she didn't quite recognize, but she downed it in under 30 seconds.

"I- hey!" Bellamy yelled in attempt to swat her hands away from the drink. 

"Ten years older than you now, Bell." She reminded him, leaning over and sitting on the counter. 

"what you're just gonna let her get away with that?" Murphy looked at Gabriel jokingly.

"What do you want me to do about it?" He shrugged. 

"I do what I want" Octavia laughed.

"I've noticed." Murphy chuckled as he took another drink from his flask.

The conversation went on for about an hour and a half, Octavia occasionally taking a second to jokingly call Murphy an alcoholic. 

After sticking around to help Gabriel clean up the mess they had all collectively made, Octavia made her way back to their room, smiling and watching MadI play soccer with her new friends she made.

Stars, she felt so old. Then again it hadn't been too long ago when Monty, Jasper and her had been running around camp, chasing butterflies while Jasper stumbled over rocks. The rest of the delinquents thought it was childish, they never cared. None of them really got to have a childhood, so they took the only opportunity they had.

She smiled and waved when Madi noticed her standing on the balcony, her dress getting all sorts of torn at the bottom as she fumbled over it. 

The next few hours had been full of Gabriel struggling to teach Octavia how to turn the television on, eventually giving up and deciding they would try again tomorrow. 

That word was nice, tomorrow. Being guaranteed that they'd have another chance. Octavia never had that security before sanctum. 

It was always a matter of "are the guards going to find me today?" Or "What if Im murdered or kidnapped in my sleep."

It felt good to finally have a tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also sorry if this is messy or too cringey I'm really tired don't bully me..lmk if theres any chapters you would like to see (Gabriel showing octavia stuff, conversations, etc) Hope you enjoyed this?


End file.
